


Ego Never Loved Her

by Reflected_Skies



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Introspection, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25274938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reflected_Skies/pseuds/Reflected_Skies
Summary: Mantis reflects on the changes in her life, and what she has lost.
Relationships: Ego the Living Planet & Mantis
Kudos: 5





	Ego Never Loved Her

Ego never loved her.

Mantis reminds herself of this, when the grief wells up inside her and nearly overcomes her.

It is not a revelation. She has met, over the years, many of Ego’s children, touched them, felt their love for their families and friends. Ego had been fond of her, but nothing more and barely that.

Ego never loved her, but he had taken care of her. He had hurt her, when she was young, just enough to teach her what pain was, to teach her to be grateful to him for its absence. He had not enjoyed it, believed it was necessary, and Mantis had believed it too, because his will was all she knew. Other than that, her only pain—physical pain—had been minor things, the bruises and scratches of everyday accidents. Now there are guns, and fists, and her blood splashing across the floor in patterns she admires in distant amazement until her friends pull her away and press bandages to the splits in her skin.

When she had been hungry, she ate. When she had been thirsty, she drank. She had never gone without because there was no food in the larder and no money for more. She had never skipped meals because the quick job had gone wrong and now they were under siege with no supplies. She had not known foods could make her sick, that some foods would make her stomach clench in pain. Nor had she known illness; Ego had decontaminated his offspring when he brought them to himself, made certain they did not pollute him with alien viruses and bacteria. Her first fever sent her into a panic, and it was fortunate they had been in a city that provided medical care for little expense, because none of her new friends had the skill or patience to deal well with the ill and frightened.

Ego had polar and tropic regions, but the buildings where she lived were in a temperate zone and provided shelter from the extremes of the weather. Now she stands shivering in the snow on one world, and a few weeks later sweats in a desert under a relentless sun.

When Quill arrived on Ego with his friends, it was the most people Mantis had ever seen at once. Now she is surrounded by people, jostled, deafened by the noise, wrapped in clothing to avoid touching anyone. Now she knows that to be in a crowd means to touch and be touched, and she will be overwhelmed, exhausted and confused from the flashes of other people’s emotions. 

Ego had loved Quill’s mother, and killed her because of it. Quill had loved his mother, and killed Ego because of it. Drax had loved his family and mourns their loss constantly. Mantis wonders sometimes if that is what love is, violence and death and grief. Even her new friends, who love each other so much, hurt each other to avoid being hurt and to punish each other for the hurts they cause, intentional or not. Sometimes she thinks Ego did love her, and she him, and so one of them had to die so the other could be free. That is what Ego taught her love is: a weakness and a chain, something to be overcome and destroyed before it destroys you.

She knows better though, when she remembers his rage and hate, how unhesitatingly he had struck at her, and how easy it was to risk everything for people who, after a few short days, were fonder of her than Ego ever was. Ego never loved her, she reminds herself, when she mourns for all she lost. She had not loved him either.

But she still mourns.

He had been her world.


End file.
